Trust and Emotional Intelligence

– 3 min –

 

The topic in a group discussion this morning was TRUST, and how to assess your level of trust. The starting point is honesty. Without honesty, one cannot experience trust. You can’t have trust without truth.

Sometimes people lie deliberately, but more often it is a matter of withholding the truth. Society teaches us to hide our true feelings under the guise of being polite. (Just read any “Miss Manners” column.) We’re afraid of being honest, afraid of being exposed, being vulnerable, being hurt, or hurting others. Some of us are afraid of being seen as less than perfect, showing our darker side, exposing our “flaws”. This was me before I worked my way out of the dark side of perfectionism.

Tell Yourself the Truth

Trust starts with you. Be willing to acknowledge what you are feeling, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you. The discomfort will pass quickly enough, and you will then have access to valuable information and more energy. This is the foundation for a healthy relationship with yourself and with others. When you are emotionally honest with yourself, you access your ability to choose – what you believe, what actions you want to take, and if or how to express yourself directly.

A key aspect of emotional intelligence is knowing how to process your feelings appropriately. Every time you stay present with your emotions, discern their meaning, and value their messages, you build trust in your ability to cope with all kinds of situations.

Tell Others the Truth Respectfully

While it’s not easy to openly express feelings to another person, learning how to communicate honestly, in a way that makes the other person feel safe, builds trust. While I teach various techniques for effective communication, the key is to show respect. When someone feels respected, they are less likely to become defensive and are thus more open to receiving your message.

What is your level of self-trust?

Recent times have shown us what has been true all along: we never know what outside circumstances we’ll face. What you can know, however, is how you feel about those circumstances. Being emotionally honest builds self-trust, which in turn supports your ability to cope.

Take a moment now. Tune into yourself and ask, “What am I feeling?”